Layers

What's with all the one word post titles? It's like my writing has become decluttered as well!

I've been trying to figure out a way to describe how my "stuff" situation always was that I found so unsatisfactory, and how it's moving towards my ideal now. And I think they key is "layers".

I used to have a lot of layers. In deep storage I would have the things that I didn't really want but didn't feel I could get rid of. In the middle layer was things that I might want but I wasn't sure. Stuff like pants "one size too small" were in this category. In the top-middle layer was the things that I thought I was using but actually wasnt'. And then finally, the top layer; things I actually used.

I hated the layers. I hated how I'd buy a new storage piece and the things that would fill it were things from the bottom "layers". There was no room for my "top layer". Usually my "top layer" ended up on top of or next to the storage pieces. This meant I always had a mess.

I envied people who had only one layer. People who could set their tea down on the end table and not have to clear a space first. People who had the clothes they actually wore in the dresser instead of in the laundry basket. People who could actually get INTO their craft rooms :-)

I had to concentrate so much on storage I was never really sure what I had. I also never really got to enjoy the things I had because I had "stock" covering or obscuring them. I didn't feel I was able to have something "nice" because I could only afford to have "a lot" if I bought cheap things.

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The Condo Fantasy

When I lived in a small place, I used to fantasize about moving to a bigger place. A REALLY big place! So I wouldn't have to make choices about what I had; I could keep everything I had already "just in case" and then buy what I REALLY liked. I bought a house approximately three times the size of the first one. I love my house. But I remember that feeling of dismay as I unpacked my belongings and those enormous cabinets and big rooms started to fill up SO fast.

I didn't quite get it--now I had room to put all my kitchen stuff in the kitchen instead of half of it in the basement, so what was the problem? Why were the cabinets packed? Seriously, didn't other people have like 10 sets of glasses and dishes? Where did NORMAL people put their things? If moving to a larger place didn't help, exactly how big of a place did you have to get in order to store all your stuff??

And then one day, the Condo Fantasy emerged. Not that I really want to give up my house or move to a condo in reality. But the concept of moving to a smaller place, and having an "excuse" to prioritize my belongings and only keep what I really loved was appealing. It was comforting to have an excuse to the voices in my head and the dissenting voices from outside forces. I could say simply "I just don't have room, I'm moving to a smaller place."

This seemed like the ultimate sense of freedom! I would no longer have to struggle over whether to keep those snowman dishes or those old plant pots or those broken-down lawn chairs.

And so I realized that now I was okay with a fake "excuse". I could *pretend* I was moving to a smaller place, and use that criteria as the lens through which to view all those questionable things. Would I keep these snowman dishes if I only had room for one set of dishes? Nope? Out they go!